Stop 'Trying to Be' Happy
Photo by Binti Malu
Chasing happiness implies we look outside ourselves, to others or objects, or to the world to increase our joy. It's the "I'll be happy if," "I'll be happy when," or "this person or thing will make me feel happy.” This kind of self-talk sabotages happiness because it implies you do not have freedom and your happiness depends on someone or something outside of you.
The Science of Happiness
One of the greatest ironies of happiness is that it often eludes those who chase it. Psychologists call this the "paradox of happiness": the more we strive to be happy, the more we are likely to feel unfulfilled. When happiness becomes a goal, we start scrutinizing our emotional state, measuring each moment against an idealized version of joy. Furthermore, when individuals excessively emphasize achieving happiness, they may miss the joys of personal growth, relationships, and meaningful work.
Acceptance is the Way
Acceptance means embracing human experiences and acknowledging that life includes a range of emotions, from joy and contentment to sorrow and pain. By accepting that it's normal to feel a spectrum of emotions, we reduce the pressure to always be happy, making more genuine moments of happiness arise naturally. Buddhist philosophy teaches that suffering comes from attachment to desires and that letting go leads to a more profound and lasting sense of well-being. Accepting the highs and lows creates a more balanced and authentic approach to life. Acceptance therapy and mindfulness practices encourage us to engage fully with our present experiences rather than constantly seeking to change our emotional state.
Meaning and Purpose
Viktor Frankl, a renowned neurologist, psychologist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor, argued that meaning and purpose are essential for human flourishing. In his "Man's Search for Meaning," Frankl describes how those who found purpose, even through the horrors of concentration camps, had a sense of inner strength and resilience. Pursuing meaningful goals and contributing to something greater than oneself often brings a more profound, enduring sense of fulfillment.
Relationships and Community
Strong social connections and a sense of community are positive aspects of well-being. Building and maintaining meaningful relationships requires effort, empathy, and vulnerability. This outweighs the temporary rushes of happiness from material success or external validation. Warmth and support of genuine human connections offer sustained happiness.
Gratitude
This is the simplest and most effective way to feel content and be happy. Focus on what you already have helps to train your mind to notice the positive aspects of your life. Practicing gratitude supports your appreciation of simple pleasures and deepens your emotional well-being.
Finding Joy in Everyday Moments
Counter to the relentless pursuit of happiness, we can more simply find joy in everyday moments. A cup of coffee in the morning, a walk in nature, or a conversation with a friend can become sources of joyful moments. These moments may seem small, but collectively, they enrich our lives more than seeking happiness outside of our everyday lives.
Happiness is not a destination. The pursuit of happiness can lead to more distress than joy. When not chased, happiness usually arrives quietly and stays longer, as a natural result of living a life aligned with our values and connected to others. The freedom to stop pursuing "if" or "when" happiness, is the true path to well-being and happiness.
"There is no path to happiness; happiness is the path."
-Buddha
If you want more tips to enlighten your true path to happiness and well-being, contact me at schisandra.life@gmail.com.