Stop 'Shoulding' on yourself!

Embrace the Imperfect You.

We give away too much power to the word "should." This one word weighs heavily on our mental health, self-esteem, and well-being. It often creates unnecessary stress and unrealistic expectations of ourselves. I have a big problem with “should” because it –

erodes self-esteem

When we constantly tell ourselves what we "should" be doing, we set unachievable standards. Falling short of our self-imposed "shoulding" can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

creates stress

Constant "shoulding" prompts a cycle of worrying about what we haven’t done or “should” be doing rather than focusing on what we HAVE done, or you COULD be doing.

hinders personal growth

"Shoulds" come with an implied judgment. Accepting and learning from our experiences becomes difficult because they are judged as failures. This impacts our personal growth.

promotes a fixed mindset

Living in the realm of "should," we may inadvertently close ourselves off to new opportunities and experiences, hindering resilience, creativity, and growth.

So, what can we do to stop “shoulding”?

The first step to progress is awareness. Start paying attention to your internal monologues. Notice how often you say, "I should..." and consider its impact on your mood and actions.

Reframe your self-talk.  Replace “should” with “could” or “want to.”  For example, reframe “I should exercise more” to “I could exercise more” or “I want to exercise more.” This simple change can make our goals feel more empowering and less obligatory.

Create realistic, achievable goals. Realistic, manageable steps are more in line with what can be achieved. Give yourself realistic time to accomplish a goal.

You are ImPerfect. Perfection is a superficial myth. Being human is imperfect. I like to think of it as "ImPerfect," meaning that I accept my imperfections and am enough, just as I am. Let's give ourselves the grace to be authentic, imperfect humans!

Treat yourself with compassion -- the same kindness and understanding we would offer a good friend. Ironically, we sometimes show more kindness and understanding to strangers than we do ourselves.

Presence is the present. Focus on your present moment. Practicing mindfulness with meditation, deep breathing, or mantra techniques helps anchor us in the here and now. The more we can appreciate the now, the less likely we are to put more demands on ourselves for what “should” be.

Stop “shoulding” on others.  Not only is “shoulding” negative for you, but it's also negative for those you interact with.

Let go of the tyranny of “shoulding.” We want to live in the present, appreciate who we are and all our life experiences, be compassionate, and recognize that personal growth is a journey and experience. Aiming to be the best version of ourselves is enough – imperfect and all!!

PS. As I was about to post this article, I actually second-guessed whether or not I should. LOL! Just another imperfect moment :) #awareness #imperfect #stopshoulding