4 Clever Truths About Leadership That Most People Ignore
Leadership isn't simply about being liked. It’s so much more about how you serve your team, company, clients, and relationships. Let’s delve into four rarely discussed realities that separate authentic leaders from people pleasers, and how embracing them can transform your career and your life.
Diplomatic Silence = High Human Cost
According to SIS International Research, organizations could lose more than $525,000 annually due to ineffective communication between managers and employees. But the human cost is even higher. When we choose comfort over courage, we deprive ourselves and our teams of the growth that comes from facing reality together.
Diplomatic silence creates a dysfunction at every level of an organization. Projects fail because no one voiced concerns early enough. Talented team members become disengaged because their ideas are never heard or acknowledged. Project colleagues work months on initiatives that everyone privately believes won't succeed. The irony is that leaders who apply the art of kind but direct communication create more psychological safety, not less. When people know you'll address issues honestly and constructively, they stop walking on eggshells and start bringing you solutions instead of just problems.
Truth is Leadership Currency
A good leader knows not to view difficult conversations as confrontations, but instead as investments in relationships. When you bravely highlight what's not working, you're being strategic. You're investing in the health of your team, your organization, and your leadership credibility.
Think about the leaders you respect - they're the ones who told you the truth when you needed to hear it, even when it was uncomfortable. They're the ones who had the difficult performance conversations, who called out the elephant in the room, who refused to let dysfunction be masked as professionalism.
Courageous Communication is Brain Food
When you speak up, you activate your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for executive function and authentic self-expression. You strengthen your leadership capacity every time you choose courage over comfort.
Conversely, when you consistently silence yourself, you reinforce neural pathways associated with helplessness and anxiety. Your brain can perceive that your work environment is unsafe, triggering a stress response that drains your energy and reduces your effectiveness.
The Ripple Effect
The women I coach often worry that speaking up will damage their reputation or relationships. When you model real, brave, and authentic communication, you create psychological safety where people feel safe to disagree, surface problems, and collaborate on solutions; they come to you for more genuine conversations.
Janet S. from London is a good example of this transformation. When she first came to me for coaching, she was struggling to find her confidence and voice in a new role at a growing solutions company. She had all the technical expertise and strategic thinking, but consistently held back in meetings, especially when she disagreed with senior leadership's direction on client projects. She believed that speaking up would make her seem difficult or negative.
When Janet was recently assigned to a new client relationship, this was her opportunity to take the lead and have a greater impact on the client and her company. During our coaching session, we worked through her fear of being seen as confrontational or too forthcoming. We practiced how she could frame the conversation around curiosity and client success.
Janet took steps forward in meetings by framing the meeting goals, being curious and asking questions, and committing to offering at least one suggestion. Not only did the client recognize her as a leader and gain more trust in their business relationship, but her team also began bringing problems to her earlier because they trusted that she would address them constructively.
Janet discovered that the skills she was developing at work, including approaching complex topics with curiosity rather than judgment, leading with care while maintaining clarity, and speaking truth with compassion, were also evolving her relationships. She found that friends and colleagues outside of work started coming to her for advice on their difficult situations, recognizing something different in how she approached conflict and communication. She became the person others turned to because they knew she would tell them what they needed to hear in a way that helped them grow.
Strategies for Courageous Conversations
Self-awareness. Before you start a challenging conversation, make sure you are clear about your intention. Are you speaking up to solve a problem or to vent frustration? Are you coming from a place of service or ego? This internal clarity will help you understand your approach and tone.
RAIN technique. Recognize what's happening. Allow yourself to feel emotions as they arise, and consider the feelings of others. Investigate the facts, not only your beliefs and interpretations. Nurture your awareness and authenticity. Speak from this grounded place, rather than reacting.
Lead with curiosity. Instead of "You're not performing well," try "I've noticed some challenges with the last few deliverables. I'd like to understand what's happening from your perspective." This approach invites collaboration rather than defensiveness.
State the paradox. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is, "I care about you and about the work, which is why I need to share something difficult." This frames truth-telling as an act of care rather than criticism.
Your Next Bold Move
I challenge you to identify one conversation you've been avoiding. One truth you've been reluctant to speak. One situation where your silence is serving no one.
Ask yourself, "What would happen if I approached this with curiosity?”, “What if I trusted that the people I work with are capable of handling reality?”, “What if my willingness to speak up was exactly what my team needed to move forward?” This challenge also applies to a personal situation that may improve with your leadership skills.
Your voice matters. Your perspective is valuable. Your courage to speak truth with wisdom, compassion, and commitment might be what transforms your leadership, your organization, and most importantly, your life. As Oprah Winfrey reminds us, "Speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have."